September, 26, 2004
I woke up that day and never would have imagined how my life would change. By the time I got down stairs everybody was up and sitting in the living room. As I looked at everybody’s faces I realized they were grave, it was strange to me because during these times they all did their best to hide their worrying and preoccupation for my brother’s and my sake. My grandma suggested that my brothers and I go with papa outside. As we walked out I saw the pain in his face, he was tired, completely worn out and beat down by everything that had been going on. It was during the rainy season so just as every other year there was the waterfall by our house; papa had us look at it for a while as he struggled for control and tried to find the right words to say. He began to explain the water cycle, how God designed the rain to fall and how eventually, once it fulfilled its purpose to water earth it evaporated and returned to the skies. This said, he went on to tell us how that was related to us human beings and how my mom had concluded her purpose here on earth and that her time had come to go on to unite with Jesus Christ in the heavens. I didn’t fully comprehend what was going on until I saw papa break down and lose it. It was the first time I had ever seen him cry and it broke my heart. I think Imer was the first to realize what he was trying to tell us; I saw the tears roll down his face and saw the mixed emotions he was trying to control, not only pain, but anger. I didn’t start crying until I remembered the last time I had spoken with my mom; she had told me that I was going to have to be strong because she didn’t think she would be around much more. I felt everything but strong, I felt helpless. I looked at Vadel and all he did was turn to hug papa, he couldn’t cry, his mind was yet too young. I cried. I cried not only for my mom, I cried for Vadel, for his innocence and for the tears he couldn’t shed, I cried for papa and for the loneliness he would have to go through, I cried for my brothers and for myself, and for the life we would have to live without our mother, I cried out of confusion for I couldn’t see where God stood through all this.
My mom is someone I have always admired; she taught me so much as a child but was gone before I understood what it really meant, it’s still hard to wrap my head around the fact that I won’t see her again as long as I’m on this earth. I never will forget all I learned from her, not only while she was here but also during all this time she’s been gone. One of the main things she taught me is that everything we go through is part of God’s great and perfect plan, we have only to love Him, to trust in Him and let Him work; He knows what He is doing and has all things under control and in His hands.
Jehovah will fulfill His purpose in me; Your love, O Lord, endures forever, do not abandon the work of your hands. (Psalm 138:8)
However, as it is written: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him. (1 Corinthians 2:9)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to Him purpose. (Romans 8:28)
She taught me to seek Him and turn to Him in all times, she taught me not to hide my faults but to recognize them to be able to correct them; she taught me it was alright to cry, but that beyond the tears we need to seek solutions and place our confidence in God; she taught me not only that I need to be responsible for my actions and not blame others for them, but that many times we have to be humble and take the blame ourselves even though it was not ours; she taught me that I don’t need to carry the world on my shoulders all alone, she taught me to take the Lord’s hand, hang on to Him and let Him guide me; she taught me that when I feel beaten I need to bend my knees, raise my head and look upon the greatness of God and how he is greater than anything that could possibly bring me down; she taught me that while the world wants to extinguish my light I need to keep my eyes on Jesus and let Him shine in and through me; she taught me to be teachable, and to let God mold me into the person He wants me to be. She taught me to sing, she taught me to dance, she taught me to do my best to wear a smile no matter what, she taught me I’ll always have a reason to be joyful and she taught me to make the best out of things. She taught me that real beauty comes from the heart.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. (1 Peter 3: 3-4)
She taught me to be thankful with what I have; she taught me to love others and to lose myself in God’s love, for it is incredibly vast and more than we can ever imagine…
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.(Romans 8: 35, 37-39)
This date isn’t one I usually look forward to, it is hard for me in a way because Mom is gone but somehow I realize that I’ve never been alone. There are so many people in my life that have been there for me, I know none of us are here permanently, for some have come and gone, others have blessed me greatly without even knowing it, but all the people I’ve met and gotten to know have taught me something and every experience I’ve lived has turned me into what I am. I am still learning and I know I still have much to go through but with the Lord’s help I am ready and I will go on. I look back on my life and I believe that even if I could, I wouldn’t change a thing.
I thank God so much because he left me with my papa and my brothers, for all those people who have been in my life and that I’ve gotten to know, for all that I have lived, for the time he gave me with my mom and for the great example she left me.
Someday I will know the reason for everything.
I’m excited to see the great purpose for which God is preparing me for…